Selective Eagerness

I'll be hiring a house cleaner on Saturday. Someone to come in every two weeks and spiff up the house like I'm not finding the time to as often as I'd like.

Actually, I'll be interviewing a house cleaner on Saturday; but I'm pretty sure we'll get things set up. The recommendation from trusted friends opened the door, as is often the case. And then we spoke on the phone yesterday, and it was clear that the interviewing will go both ways. She'll be looking at me just as closely as I'll be looking at her. She won't work for just anyone. She's picky, she says, wants to select her own supplies, and I was left with the impression that she pretty much wants to be left to herself, to do her cleaning the way she feels is best.

Yet she conveyed this in a warm and friendly fashion. She has time to take on another client and wants to fill those hours. It was clear that her pickiness comes from a sense of pride in her work. She considers herself a professional and will work only in an environment where she's given the freedom to perform as such. She's proud of her list of long-term clients.

For me, it was the perfect sales pitch: enthusiastic, but not overly eager.

I think this posture can be translated to many scenarios, from approaching job interviews to forging new friendships. It's important to demonstrate a certain amount of enthusiasm in our interactions. But too much eagerness can be off-putting. The person on the other side can feel overwhelmed by the energy or even suspicious of the eager one's motives. If you don't appear to be at least a little selective, a person starts to wonder how much value you're really bringing to the relationship. Are you that desperate for a job, the interviewer wonders. And if so, why should I take the risk? Aren't you close to anyone at all, questions the potential friend. And if not, perhaps there's a reason. Maybe I shouldn't open up to you so quickly. And in the case of my potential house cleaner, too much eagerness would leave me backing off, wondering if she's really as good and trustworthy as she claims. I would be approaching the interview with a more critical eye.

Instead, I look forward to meeting a woman who has enough confidence in the value she has to offer that she doesn't have to accept every job that comes her way. And I look forward to showing her how easy I am to get along with. I expect we will find our goals are neatly aligned: I, too, am looking for a stable working relationship with someone I can trust with my home. And in the course of interviewing each other, I have a hunch we'll get along famously.